SPOOF: Baggage Hostage Release Date

-

As I reported earlier, I am getting the full outside the beltway treatment in Iowa and Wisconsin. I’m actually having a great time and have met some fascinating folks out here — but because I had some toothpaste, deoderant, shaving cream and all that, I checked in my small bag. United Airlines lost my bag and thus far has not been able to find it.
I look pretty grungy — but adding a bit of humor to the day, Keith Porter sent this to me a short while ago:

HOSTAGE RELEASE DATEThe Stanley Foundation has enlisted Governor Bill Richardson and Rev. Jesse Jackson to lead negotiations for the release of your luggage from United Airlines. They will be carrying messages of mercy from former President Jimmy Carter and UN Secretary General Kofi Annan.
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama has agreed to lead global vigils on behalf of the missing bags and prayers calling for United Airlines to respect compassion and justice.
Gov. Richardson said United Airlines has developed an unusually strong bind with your luggage… and he expects his diplomatic skills will be sorely tested as he approaches the bagage handlers who have thus far issued only denials and misinformation regarding even the simple whereabouts of the items in question.
Rev. Jackson said, “We must negotiate, not manipulate. United must now RE-unite these men with their belongings. Only then will justice rush down like mighty water….which of course cannot be carried onto an airplane.”

More later.
— Steve Clemons

Comments

5 comments on “SPOOF: Baggage Hostage Release Date

  1. Howard Hubbard says:

    Anybody who has a brain and a Subscription to
    Popular Science knows that there is no such thing as Homeland Security and never will be.
    A sturdy ball point pen, the kind phamaceutical
    detail men bestow on physicians, and rudimentary
    knowledge of human anatomy yields lethal divi-dends. To mimic the late great Carl Sagan, billions and billions and taxpayers money is
    being flushed with pride into pork barrel never-
    never land. Merde to the nth power. See forth-coming book: The Boy In The Emperor’s Clothes.

    Reply

  2. Margaret says:

    And, don’t you feel “safer,” knowing that TSA’s security is such that your bag got lost, along with millions of others? Such wonderful, thorough security in wake of 9/11.

    Reply

  3. Jeff says:

    Good luck finding your bag. I just hope you weren’t forced to drive to Milwaukee too. That would just make a bad trip worse….

    Reply

  4. Minnesotachuck says:

    When are you coming to Minnesota? If you happen to hit a night when my wife’s not busy with her gourmet catering business we’ll have you over for a great but informal dinner.

    Reply

  5. Pissed Off American says:

    “….. but because I had some toothpaste, deoderant, shaving cream and all that, I checked in my small bag. United Airlines lost my bag and thus far has not been able to find it.”
    Man, it just scares the shit outa me that these dangerous materials mighta fallen in the wrong hands and are floatin’ around our skies, just waiting to be detonated. God help us. I hope Bush gets these evil doers soon, so that he can get back to the important business of dismantling our environmental protections.

    Reply

Add your comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *